This blog is a little different from the others. In a few days, Eric is leaving for 2 months. The National Guard is sending him to school for a promotion. He will be in Alabama. It also looks like he will deployed to Kuwait in January. He will be gone for a year. I am going through several emotions. I feel nervous, anxious, sad, worried, angry...the list goes on & on. Right now the focus is getting through the next 2 months. I feel like my motto has become, "One step at a time". I think about the year deployment & it is almost too much to bear right now. We already went through a year deployment when Aidan was 10 days old. Eric was in Kosovo. We will deal with the longer deployment in a few months. Please just get me to October.
Eric has been busy packing & getting ready. Our downstairs is a disaster...covered with clothes & military gear. There is always so much to do when he is going to be away for a long period of time. Take care of things around the house, arrange a lawn service (thank you Green Care for Our Troops!! I am so grateful!), make sure sitters are around for Mommy to get a break,
get reacquainted with the video camera, downloading pictures, webcam, take Eric off our Rec. center membership to lower the price, & most importantly, prepare Aidan.
Aidan was only 10 days old when Eric was deployed. He didn't know the difference. Now, Aidan is 3 1/2 & he will definitely know that Daddy is gone. Aidan's pre-school has been a great help to us. His teachers made him a "Social Story" with pictures of Daddy & Aidan, a calendar, pictures of Mommy & Emily & our house. They wrote a story about how Aidan feels when Daddy is away. It's a way to start preparing Aidan for Daddy being gone.
Last night I felt it was important to start talking to Aidan about Daddy leaving. As his mother, it really hurt to tell him. I know this is just the beginning as the year long deployment will be even harder to prepare him for. Aidan was playing with his Army jeep & we talked about how Daddy drives a jeep like that when he is with the Army. I told Aidan that when Daddy is with the Army he goes away sometimes. Aidan understood & said, "Sometimes that makes me sad. I miss him. I want him". Nothing could prepare me for that. Not easy!! I told him that Daddy always comes back & that he will be home with Mommy & Emily. He said, "ok" & continued playing with his jeep. I felt a little better knowing that I started talking about it. We will continue to talk about it, but not dwell on it. Aidan needs to know he will be ok with Mommy & Emily & that Daddy will be home soon.
The next few days will be hard. Sometimes I forget that Eric is leaving & then all of a sudden I remember that he won't be here to help with bedtime, dinnertime, our nightly walks, or swimming at the Rec. center, etc. It is is temporary, but it is hard. I try to focus on the good when I can...the money, staying home with the kids, a good opportunity for Eric. The military is his passion. Everyone says, "When is he getting out?" He will never get out. It is who he is. I can't take that away from him. It's like asking me not to dance. I do my best to roll with this lifestyle, be happy & take care of the kids. They are the most important right now. I try to stay strong, but in the end, when the kids are in bed at night & I am watching TV by myself. It can get very lonely & depressing. Don't feel sorry for me. This is the life we chose. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but it is. Just pray that my kids, especially Aidan, will be OK.
So, some of my blogs may steer in the direction of military, deployment, etc. This will be a big part of our lives now. Thank you for going on the journey with us.